I have to say that of all the concerns I have about my mother living alone, kidnapping was not on my bingo card. Of course, I am not famous and don’t have a lot of money but this case is chilling. Aside from the true crime interest, there is something else that bothers me.
We cannot fully protect those we love
Despite how hard we try to protect our older parents, even if we live in close proximity as Nancy’s daughter did, we can’t completely protect them from what might come their way, whether it be kidnapping or falling in the bathroom.
For those of you with children you know this feeling. Once babies start moving forward on their own, there is no way to completely protect them. One of the worst bumps my daughter got as a toddler was when she fell against a marble coffee table with a room full of about twenty adults. Accidents happen, people do awful things to other people (scamming is a major concern), and sometimes we are in the wrong environment when we are older. Some things you can control and others you cannot.
What can you do?
There are things you can do to prevent or minimize injury or harm. Assisted devices like canes, walkers and grab bars help a lot. The older we get, the more vital balance lessons become. A house with few or no stairs, and some supportive services allow people to remain independent. Limited or no driving can save lives, if the situation warrants. These are a few of the things that are within our control but they are not guarantees.
What can’t you control?
What is not guaranteed is that anyone who stands upright may fall down. Even people who are bedbound sometimes fall out of bed. There are many dangers at home because we use water that make us trip if it is on the floor, we use area rugs (please don’t if you are older), we use stoves and ovens. You can be scammed out of your life savings right from your computer or phone. Being indoors does not keep you safe.
I had a client whose mother lived in Akron and he lived in Phoenix. He wanted to install cameras in her house that he would monitor. I asked if he was going to monitor them 24/7, and how would that prevent her from falling? Forget privacy issues.
There is more danger outside, especially in winter. However, you can trip on uneven pavement on a hot summer day. Any kind of transportation is inherently dangerous. We live in a world of danger but luckily most of us live our lives without major incident.
How do you deal with what you cannot control?
I doubt having a camera that kept a recording would have prevented Nancy Guthrie from being kidnapped. How do you deal with that nagging feeling of wanting to make them wear bubble wrap clothes? The answer is you can’t protect your parents completely. You need accept the possibility of disaster, especially if they live independently. Sometimes awful things happen, even to wonderful people who are loved dearly.
Savor every day you have with your older relatives. Discuss good times and make new memories as they age. The best advice is live life without regrets, regardless of it’s length is or how that life ends.