The winter holidays are supposed to be joyous and beautiful but they are not always so for an older adult, especially those with dementia. Here are some tips to make the holidays better for your older relative.
Find a safe place to get away. Holidays can be frenetic, with many people talking at once or kids playing, screaming and laughing out loud. This can be overwhelming for older adults, especially those with dementia. Designate a quiet, comfortable place where they can go to get away from the crowds when it gets to be too much.
Pace them and yourself. As we all age we cannot do as much as we used to. Try not to pack too much into one day. Even if the person is sitting down for long stretches. A two hour drive to a three hour dinner then back again may be way too much. Carve out times to nap or just rest on the couch. Ask the older adult how much they think they can tolerate.
Reduce clutter to avoid falls. Packed dining rooms, kids opening presents and boxes everywhere might make for good memories but they are also a fall hazard. Make sure to reduce clutter.
Be aware of timing. A diabetic may not be able to wait for turkey at 2:00 p.m. or an 8:00 p.m. Christmas dinner may be too late for someone who normally goes to bed at 8:30. Provide snacks or adjust your timing.
Be cognizant of noise levels. Hearing aides increase the level of all sounds, so there is no guarantee that someone with hearing aides will be able to hear in a loud room. Dementia can also complicate hearing in noisy situations. Make sure that your older adult can see your lips and that you speak slowly and loud enough (not too loud to be condescending) to be heard.
“Reschedule the holiday”. For someone, especially those in a skilled nursing facility or memory care, having a quiet dinner after Thanksgiving, or visiting them during Christmas day may be a better alternative. Leaving their residence can be traumatic or difficult if they have significant health or memory issues. They would probably prefer to be in a familiar space and have your undivided attention.
Reminisce. Look over old photo albums or recreate beloved traditions. The past is comforting to many older adults, especially those with dementia. This may be as enjoyable for you as it is for them.
Share the load. If there is a room full of people why would one person be cooking and taking care of the older adult? Think how you can be useful if you are not the primary caretaker, even if that means having a conversation with someone with dementia.
Enjoy time with family. We never know when this will be the last holiday with our loved one. Pay more attention to each other and put less effort into a perfect pie.